Thin Skinned

Tonight at work, a patient yelled at me. I'm sure it was the situation and not our simple misunderstanding that was the catalyst but I got the brunt of it anyway. The next time I went into his room, he apologized. It was sincere and I accepted. "That's okay," I told him, "I have a pretty thick skin." That was a lie. I said it because I feel like that is what nurses are supposed to have. We have to deal with a lot stuff so you have to have a thick skin to deal with it but mine never developed.

I remember one of the first days of my mission in Germany, being rejected for the first time and getting this awful feeling in my stomach. I thought to myself, "It is just because you're new to this. You'll get used to it." But I never did. Eighteen months and I got that feeling every time. Better than apathy, I grant you, but it's heck on the heart.

I can't think of anymore to write so I am going to spend the rest of my lunch break reading Ender's Game which I checked out from the library yesterday. As a Mormon and a bookworm, I feel a sense of obligation to finally read this book.

Oh and P.S- I am going to go to grad school. Pretty sure, anyway.

The thought in my head...

You know how sometimes you think that you have your life figured out because you think you know exactly what you want and so you start making plans and you get really excited about it and then you start telling other people about your plans and they start getting really exctied for you and you feel great about it but then you unexpectedly get into that really competitive graduate program, the one you wanted to get into but thought was off the table and the one that could help you get a job that you would love but the program won't let you defer even for a semester and so now you have to choose between two awesome things and you are having a hard time finding a way to have your cake and eat it too?

You know?

Wanderlust

Isn't German a great language? You know that I desire hiking which is how this word literally translates; "wadern" (to hike) and "lust" (desire). Parenthetically, my first hike of the season last weekend was lovely even if it did rain the whole time. But back to wanderlust. Of course, colloquially, it expresses more of a desire to travel the world than to hike. Now, if I was really speaking German (which I am sorry to say I haven't done in a few years now), I might use the word "fernweh" or loosely, "to ache for something far away", which I think also has a nice sentiment.

Well, I got it bad.

I feel like that sentence deserves its own paragraph because it is true. I love living in Seattle. I really do. I could live here the rest of my life, or in some other city that I would equally enjoy. But I'm not tied down here. Besides my job, I don't have any binding obligations. Nor am I in debt. And that leads me to have a lot of "If I don't do it now, I'll never do it" arguments with myself, thinking of distant lands where I would like to live. Of course, there's that voice that says, "Maybe you'll never get married or have a family and then you'll have 60 years to do that stuff. What's your hurry?" but that voice really bugs me so I pay it no heed. With two years of nursing under my belt, I feel like I have something to offer. So here comes another one-line wonder.

I quit my job.

I wonder if people daydream about being able to write that sentence. I didn't. I actually like my job and was nervous to talk to my nurse manager who, by the way, is awesome. And I actually didn't end up totally quitting. Here's my plan in a nutshell: travel the world for a year (give or take), volunteering with various medical humanitarian organizations. Right now my trips are at all stages of planning from about to buy a plane ticket to haven't even sent in my application. Potential trips include: India, Nicaragua, China and Cameroon. A few less exotic but equally exciting trips may take me to Ensign Ranch (as a girls camp nurse), Glacier National Park and to visit baby girl Hill (aka Lalalalalala). And my boss is awesome because she is letting me stay on per Diem so I can work between trips, setting my own schedule.


What I'm saying, folks, is that this blog might get a heck of a lot more interesting come August. Oh and post script, if anyone has any suggestions for other awesome trips, I still have some time in summer 2011. So if you know of anything...Especially something in Antarctica, per my serve on every continent goal.